I was just playing with a rubber band and I tried to stretch it and it broke. I then started stretching other parts of the same band and they broke. It’s an old rubber band that’s degraded so much that it easily fragments into small pieces at the very slightest bit of stress. It’s like the inanimate version of me.

This reminds me that I should go home and check the expiration date on some of those condoms I’ve been storing since university. Wouldn’t want them fragmenting into pieces under all the stress of sex.

Astronaut- “Houston, I think we have a problem. The shuttle is starting to melt on re-entry into the Earth’s atmosphere.”
Nasa Controller - “Is the shuttle melting or the outer shell of the shuttle is melting?”
Astronaut - “Wait, let me go to the window and check. You’re right, it’s the thin layer of rubber that’s around the shuttle that’s melting.”
Nasa Controller – “Can you do a U’ee and back out of there before our boys are splattered all over the Earth?”
Astronaut – “Impossible Houston, we’ve already entered there’s no going back.”
Nasa Controller – “Well I guess we’ll just have to pray that the rubber holds up.”
Astronaut – “Roger that Houston, don't worry we're coming home.”

Anyhow, I know what you’re thinking – Shaky hasn’t had sex since university; that’s why he has old condoms lying around. You are so wrong. If you come over tonight I’ll show you how wrong you are.